PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Introduction

"Relation" is defined by the American heritage dictionary as:

1. A logical or natural association between two or more things.

2. The connection of people by blood or marriage; kinship.

3. A relative.

4. relations. dealings or associations with others: social relations; diplomatic relations.

In this lesson we want to key on the first as it pertains to people. The number of relationships we might have are endless. We have relationships with our coworkers. We have neighbors, friends and close friends. Sometimes our neighbors are also close friends. In the church we have brothers and sisters in the common cause of serving Christ. Some of those brothers and sisters may also be of our physical family or our friends. There are legal ties, blood ties, social ties, work ties, business ties, secular ties, emotional ties, spiritual ties and other ties; all of which are interwoven as part of our lives on this earth.

I believe understanding our responsibilities in our relationships is important and that this understanding for Christians is part of the "all things that pertain to life and godliness." Our associations and relations must be according to God's word. There are things to avoid and things to do.

Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers - II Corinthians 6:14

This is a great warning in God's word. Translators differ in the translation. Some would forbid yoking at all since believers and unbelievers have nothing in common. Other translators note the difference in yoking as in "diversely yoked" or "mismatched" instead of "unequally yoked." We generally note that a difference is forbidden and not a total forbidding of any yoking. The application is that we should not become joined in any way to anything that would jeopardize our separation from the world. The statement is not limited to marriage, but the impact on marriage relationships is obvious.

Any ties we have should be such that we do not compromise or hinder in any way our service to God. This is in our jobs, socializing, marriages, and family relationships.

Beware lest anyone cheat (spoil) you - Colossians 2:8

The passage goes on to say:

through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.

The devil came with logic when he tempted Jesus. When Jesus was hungry, the devil said, "If you are the Son of God command these stones to become bread." Taking Jesus to the pinnacle of the temple the devil quoted scripture saying:

If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written: He shall give His angels charge over you, and, In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

Paul taught, I Corinthians 2:5,

that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.

The reasoning of this world can certainly be confusing. We need to know our God given duties and responsibilities in our relationships on this earth. This must be our guide, even if sometimes it doesn't make good sense to us. If we ever think that we are so skillful in logic and reasoning that we can put aside the teaching of God, then we are doomed to the plight of all who live according to the world.

Friendship with the world is enmity with God - James 4:4

James addresses those who have this friendship as adulterers and adulteresses. This shows that conflict of interest is involved. In this verse James concludes with:

"Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God."

In this passage the world is translated from the word "kosmos" and in the context must refer to the evil associated with, in our words, "worldly things." It involves people, things or thoughts, and the condemnation is when our affection (friendship) comes into conflict with our service to God. I John 2:15-17 is a parallel passage which uses the word love as in agape or the more logical attachment with people or things. It is the commanded type of love. When separated from affection, it can be turned on and off. The passage says:

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life -- is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

The concept is then that we should not develop affection for those things in this world which are not of the Father. The list includes, and in this context is limited to, all those things associated with lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life. These are not physical things and people but our attitudes toward people and things.

Family relationships

These relationships are seen in such teachings as: husbands love your wives; wives submit to your own husbands; fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; wives manage the house. Each is to provide for his own, parents, children, - all those of his household. All of these and more make up the Biblical teaching about household relationships. The responsibility for the correct relationship always lies with the one who can accomplish the teaching.

Wives submit to your own husbands. This does not include doing wrong or sacrificing the principles wives are taught to do, such as guide the house, bring up children, or serve God which always comes first for everybody. With these things in mind and probably also in mind that the husband is to love the wife as his own body, the wife is to submit. It doesn't say husbands force your wives into submission. The responsibility lies with the woman. This submission is the same type of submission, from Ephesians 5:21, that members of the church show for one another. It's not a slave/master submission. It is a servant/lord relationship. Sarah is used as an example in I Peter 3 for calling Abraham Lord. This would be in the same sense as I Corinthians 11 where the husband is the head of the woman. It deals with relationships of service to God. Abraham was a patriarch and would be the father of many nations. Sarah was passed off as his sister. This wasn't right, but Sarah obeyed anyway.

According to the passage in Ephesians, which we will look at in more depth later, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. We should always be asking how we would like it if Christ treated us like we treat our wives. We need to provide for our wives' needs just as Christ provides for our needs. Has he not given us all things that pertain to life and godliness? I'll tell you the truth, most of us husbands haven't the foggiest notion what our wives' needs are. I Peter 3:7 says:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

We get so busy providing and taking care of what we consider to be our God given responsibilities that we aren't tuned in to our wives' real needs which may be physical or emotional. Did Peter know what he was asking of us? Wow! What a challenge. You know that he knew. Note this responsibility is ours, not our wives. I could not be strong emotionally if it were not for the assurances which I have in Christ. It is only when I am convinced that I am doing the right thing that I can rest comfortably in the decisions which I must make as a job holder, as a son, as a citizen of this country and as a husband.

Christ has never forsaken me. I trust his word and I often pour out my soul to him. If you think that that is not manly, then I suggest you read about David and then read his psalms. Note that it also says "giving honor to the wife as unto the weaker vessel." In many ways wives are not as strong as men. Physically, they can be. Sometimes in every way the woman is stronger. But when the woman is stronger, it is entirely possible that the man is not as he should be. Women have tremendous responsibility in caring for the home and bringing up children. This is what they should be doing. A strong family unit strengthens the nation and strengthens the church. If we do not honor the wife, respecting her responsibilities, we do a great disservice to church and nation. I'll say it. The only time a woman should be outside the home working is before having children or after they have left home. The possible exceptions are poverty, having an unbelieving father and when the mother is single. That's poverty, not keeping up with the Joneses. Is it God's way that your children will be better off, with the mother home even if they must do without some things? I believe it is. Just tell them to hush their mouths and eat their oatmeal. Poptarts cost to much money.

Relationships are not always ideal, wives do not always submit to their husbands, husbands do not always love their wives, fathers sometimes provoke their children and children do not always obey their parents. Through it all we must do the right thing. Peter's teaching to the wife with the unbelieving husband is to win the husband by their chaste conduct. Children, those at home, are to obey their parents. Fathers are to bring up their children in the training and admonition of the Lord. Husbands are to love their wives. Just as in all other aspects of our service, we are to do the right thing. We must take on the responsibilities that God has given us and we must do so unconditionally.

Let's look a little closer at Ephesians 5:22-32. It reads:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

in everything - It's not just in matters of faith, in fact it isn't matters of faith at all. The wife is to serve regardless of her husband's interference. Work as a family. In this passage Paul addresses both husbands and wives. This is the God given arrangement for godly home.

as own bodies - We may not always respect our body's limitations as much as we should, but when we get hurt or feel bad we usually want a little attention - not much but at least a little. The following story is told by Steve Goodier from Life Support about a cowboy who --

ambled into the local blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe, not realizing it had just come from the forge. He immediately dropped the hot shoe, shoved his seared hand into his pocket and tried to act nonchalant.

The blacksmith half smiled and asked, "Kinda hot, wasn't it?"

"Nope," replied the cowboy, "just don't take me long to look at a horseshoe, that's all."

The suffering of Jesus in his body was more than physical, he took on all the sins of everybody. The body here is the church, not the physical body. The wife is comparable to the church in this relationship. Paul says regarding the church we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. Christ took the church to be part of himself. He took the church as his body. We can understand our relationship to Christ through our marriages and we can understand our responsibilities in marriage though our service to Christ. Our wives are to be as our own bodies. That is a close relationship.

Leave father mother, be joined to wife - In the church relationship, we forego all earthy ties in preference to serving Christ. So now we can see an orderly arrangement of priorities.

In caring for our parents we are to do that; it is our responsibility. But it is not a relationship that has a parallel with Christ and the church. When we marry, the old family of father and mother is left and the new family is formed. It isn't responsibilities associated with family, it is the physical and financial responsibliities. In the marriage however the bond is different. Peter uses the term "heirs together of the grace of life." In a home where both are Christians, the service is a partnership.